For many couples, the dissolution of a marriage can undoubtedly be an upsetting event, at the very least marked by disappointment, loss of dreams, and expectations. Whether the divorce is amicable or going through lengthy court proceedings, the process usually requires negotiation and compromise from both parties to achieve a desirable settlement. However, the process can be much more complex when divorcing a narcissist as a middle ground may be harder to find.
Dealing with a Narcissist
Although someone may present some narcissistic tendencies, a few symptoms do not qualify for an official diagnosis. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a legitimate mental health condition in which people have a strong sense of self-importance and the need for attention and admiration.
People with NPD often have troubled relationships and a lack of empathy. Most importantly, although a narcissist may exude extreme self-confidence, there is often a fragile sense of self-esteem internally. These traits are critical when thinking about how divorce processes will influence the behaviors of a diagnosed narcissist. Knowing the characteristics of a narcissist can help make divorce proceedings less confusing.
Quickest Way to Divorce a Narcissist
Divorcing a narcissist can be difficult as their need to win is worth all costs. However, you can simplify the divorce process and protect your rights during a split with a bit of preparation and strategy.
1. Document the Relationship
A vital step to take before informing anyone of a plan to divorce is to document the marriage. Keep thorough records. Write down any dates, details, and witnesses of mistreatment, abuse, or domestic violence. In addition, keep track of conversation topics and any other relevant information or events that occurred during the relationship.
Thorough documentation can be helpful in the long run. A narcissist may sometimes have a different perception of reality, especially after finding out about plans to divorce. It is beneficial to have examples documented just in case a claim made is contested.
TIP: It might be helpful to start by letting friends and family know of plans to divorce, informing them of the chance a spouse may make false allegations to cause as much pain as possible.
2. Keep Calm
Try to avoid being provoked. A narcissist’s obsessions with winning may push them to attack you with questionable claims or blatant lies. It is essential not to engage. An angry reaction will only cause a narcissistic spouse to continue to disrupt. Especially in court, remain calm and collected regardless of what a spouse may say and counter false assertions with a reasonable interpretation of facts.
3. Plan an Exit and Stick to it
Be prepared to leave. An exit plan may include creating a budget, building savings, opening an individual bank account, and, if needed, finding a new place to live.
Remember to change account passwords as well. After deciding to divorce a narcissist, their fear of rejection may push them to react. A narcissist may try to create a chaotic environment and take on a victim role to gain sympathy to manipulate a spouse into staying with them. Stick to the plan and focus on the future.
4. Hire an Attorney
Agreeing on a settlement when divorcing a narcissist is more manageable with professional help. Hiring a lawyer to walk through the process limits communication with a spouse, minimizing conflict. When divorcing a narcissist, sometimes a settlement is not agreed upon. Be prepared for a judge to inform a narcissistic spouse of the terms of the divorce.
How the Courts Can Help
The court systems provide several services to help with divorce proceedings. The tools provided can be handy when dealing with a narcissist.
Domestic Violence Restraining Order
The court issues DVROs to protect people against abuse or violence from a family member or significant other residing in the same household. Under California law, abuse is defined broadly. It includes but is not limited to physical violence, sexual assault, threats of violence, harassment, stalking, and destroying personal property. The DVRO can consist of a stay-away order and no-contact order for you and other close family members.
Automatic Temporary Restraining Order
ATROs are mutual court orders prohibiting either spouse from selling, transferring, or borrowing against the property. In addition, under the ATROS, the parties are forbidden from taking a particular action, including but not limited to removing the children from the state without written consent or court order; transferring, encumbering, or in any way disposing of property; insurance policies including life, health, automobile, etc.
Custody and Visitation Orders
Custody and visitation orders can be helpful when a divorce case involves children. These orders can help parents schedule timeshare and identify the method and place for visitation. Additionally, the orders may also help determine guidelines for communication.
Sanctions and Contempt Proceedings
If a narcissist violates court orders, they can be sanctioned and found in contempt. A finding of contempt can lead to civil and criminal penalties, including jail time.
What to Do if a Spouse Won’t Agree to a Divorce?
Sometimes, a narcissistic spouse will avoid divorce because it lets go of a sense of control over their partner. As a result, they may feel entitled to the relationship, even if it is not best for everyone. Compromise, to this extent, may be considered “unfair.” While there is no simple approach to this problem, gaining support from professionals, friends, and family buffers between a divorce and a narcissistic spouse.
Contact Pride Legal
If you or a loved one has been looking to get a divorce in California, we invite you to contact us at Pride Legal for legal counseling or any further questions. To protect your rights, hire someone who understands them.