Going through the divorce process is not an easy task to overcome. On top of the court fees, legal fees, and the division of the assets of a married couple, the divorce path is emotionally laborious. When faced with all of these factors, it is important to find relief wherever one can. One of the best ways to reduce the labor brought on by divorce is to make the process as peaceful as possible. By ensuring a peaceful divorce, it can be easier to split assets without argument, it could cost less in legal fees since there are fewer arguments, and it can be less emotionally taxing when one ends a marriage on good, peaceful terms with their former spouse. This article will discuss the divorce process and the steps one can take to ensure the process is as peaceful and beneficial as possible.
What are the requirements for divorce?
The state of California does not require any reason for a dissolution of marriage. The only requirements to get divorced in California are to be in an official partnership or marriage at the time of petition and to meet California’s residency requirements. California’s residency requirements include:
- One spouse must have resided in California for at least six months or 180 days
- One spouse must have resided in the county of filing for at least three months
- There is a mandatory waiting period of six months one must wait after the initial filing
How does one get a peaceful divorce in California?
One may get a divorce in California by following the seven steps listed below. By familiarizing oneself with the divorce process, it will be easier to maintain a peaceful divorce process by reducing the confusing stress that comes with divorce. For a more in-depth description of the divorce process, click here.
- One spouse files a divorce petition with the local court and then serves it to the other spouse
- The other spouse or the respondent then must file a petition in response within 30 days
- At this point, a spouse can request temporary court orders and an Order to Show Cause. At this initial hearing, a judge will decide temporary child custody, child support, alimony, child support, and restraining orders
- Next, the spouses enter the discovery period of the hearing where relevant documents and information are exchanged. These include income reports, expense reports, tax documents, and other assets. Additionally, a Preliminary Declaration of Disclosure is filed, which lists the community and separate property of each spouse.
- The discovery period is followed by settlement. In the settlement period, attorneys, mediators, and or spouses try to reach a final decision on the divorce case. If the case is resolved by agreement, an attorney or family law facilitator must produce a Marital Settlement Agreement. This will include the stipulations, initial payments, and distribution of assets and debts. This contract is then signed by the spouses and their representatives.
- If a clear and complete agreement is not reached between the spouses, the judge will convene a trial.
- After the Marital Settlement Agreement is signed or when the trial concludes, an attorney or the family law facilitator will prepare a
- Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage. This document records the court orders set in place and bears the name of the spouses and the officiators of the contract. It will then be filed, and the divorce will be finalized.
Easing the Process
In order to make the divorce process easier, one should spend the six-month waiting period proactively. This period of time is required so that a couple can reevaluate where they are in life. Perhaps there are some misunderstandings that can be worked out, and the divorce can be avoided entirely. However, if one partner does not want to remain in the relationship, or if the relationship has become toxic and beneficial, divorce may be the best option. No one can force another to stay in a relationship. Not only is this unjust, but it is also a violation of human rights. If it goes on long enough, it might be in a domestic dispute which will complicate the divorce process exponentially. To keep the process peaceful, try some of the options listed below. This is not an exhaustive list and the divorce process is different for everyone, so it is important to remain open, flexible, and, most importantly, to stay available for communication.
Counseling
During the hectic process of divorce, the value of proper counseling is often overlooked. This can be marriage counseling, couple’s counseling, family counseling, or even private counseling. Additionally, if children are involved in the divorce, one may be required to attend counseling for their benefit. Attending counseling provides a more open, controlled, and safe environment for one to speak their mind. During counseling, one may be able to understand the perspective of the spouse in the situation, or one could begin to realize their own issues, which they need to work on. Some counseling services even offer financial aid for those with financial hardship.
Family Law Facilitator
Every county court in California is assigned a family law facilitator. The family law facilitator can assist those representing themselves in court by giving one the tools to represent oneself in court, explaining general court rules and procedures, explaining the steps required for a case resolution, explaining the legal options available, helping to determine the proper forms and filing procedure for one’s case, providing necessary information from one’s court file, and referring one to legal aid and community resources for more help.
Child Custody
One of the most challenging aspects of divorce, when children are involved, is the decision of child custody. In some instances, children can be pitted against one parent by the other. This is harmful and traumatic to go through. Instead of forcing a child to choose a favorite, if they are old enough, sit down and have an educated conversation with the child. If the child is old enough to grasp the concept of divorce and custody, the court is likely to take their opinion into the custody decision. On top of this, the divorce is going to severely impact the child’s life in different ways. When parents divorce, they often have to adjust to a single-income lifestyle which could entail moving. The process of moving can become another stressful factor for a parent and child to overcome. The child could be moved from the previous environment of social connections, religious connections, and school, adding to this stress. Recognizing this and speaking with one’s children is an important part of keeping the divorce process peaceful. It is worth considering counseling for any children to help them cope with the situation.
Avoid Arguments
Arguments can often become heated and out of control. What may have been a productive conversation is now an insurmountable issue backed by pain, confusion, and even anger. This is not to say all arguments are bad, but it can be more beneficial to view the topic as a discussion with room for growth as opposed to an argument cementing one’s thoughts and opinions. Instead of arguing, a better practice is to focus on having meaningful discussions. If a topic becomes too heated, take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Are one party’s wants placing the other in an unfair position? Is there a way that both party’s needs can be met without litigation? If arguments occur too often or become too heated, one might find that the other spouse is unwilling to talk. From that point, one will have to pursue litigation and costly court appearances to make decisions as opposed to a productive discussion between adults. There are many ways to have a productive discussion, but the key is understanding the other’s perspective and needs. Resources such as counseling and divorce attorneys can help mediate the process if necessary.
Be Punctual and Honest
The divorce process is stressful enough as it is. Being late to appearances, counseling meetings, discussions with the other spouse, and serving documents late only serve to further complicate the issue. When one adds false information or promises they cannot keep, it can become even harder. The best practice is to be honest and on time. It will make working with the other spouse easier and more peaceful. It shows that one has the intent and that one cares about the situation. Pushing it off makes it seem that one does not respect what is going on or does not take it seriously. Additionally, failing to be punctual to court appearances can rack up expensive court and attorney fees for both spouses. If one party is responsible, they could be liable for the cost of the delay.
What should be discussed before court?
Before attending court at the end of the six months mandated wait period, one should consider some important topics that have to be decided before the divorce is official. If these topics are not sorted out beforehand, they will have to be solved in court. Waiting until court to resolve the issues can result in additional legal fees, court fees, and the loss of valuable time. To help ensure a more peaceful and streamlined process, consider the following topics before the court:
- The division of assets, debt, and liabilities
- Child custody and visitation schedules
- Living situation after the divorce settlement
- Alimony (if one spouse needs more support for living expenses, to get an education, etc.)
- Child support
- Where pets will be living
- Healthcare, traditionally, once a partner is divorced, they are no longer covered under the other’s healthcare plan
- The need for a lawyer